Welcome back.....to myself!

It seems that come January every year I rediscover my old blog and then forget about it again for another 12 months. My bad.

So much as happened I wouldn't know where to start to get it all in. But I'll try.

In a nutshell ( I imagine this will be more than a nutshell!), since 2020 things have been getting progressively worse for me, until finally I burnt out in October 2022 and walked from job (a very toxic and bullying environment) I hugely loved the work and my team but it stopped there. I lawyered up and won. Then in November 2023 I had a mental and emotional breakdown. Since then I have been admitting to all the abuse - physical (for the first 14 years of my life from three members of my family - one parent and both siblings), sexual abuse (for 6 years from 3 to 9 from both older brothers), and mental, emotional, verbal and psychological abuse from four members of my family (parents and both siblings) for almost 50 years. From the age of 13 years I had to earn my own  money with six paper rounds and a Friday/Saturday job - to pay my mother rent (my brothers didn't have to do this). From 14 year old I tried to emotionally and mentally remove myself from my family. Mentally, I was pretty successful but not so much emotionally, I believe you need help from others to do that. I didn't have others to help me, no support and nowhere to go.

At 16 years old, I wanted to burn the bridge to my family, but anyone and everyone around me (friends, their parents and teachers) said not to - they stated that things change, people change, change with age, with distance and that relationships change as people get older. They didn't and don't. A big regret I have is that I listened to those people, when I could have spared myself over 35 years of mental, emotional, verbal and psychological abuse. But I can't do anything about that now. I did remove myself further and further away from my family from the years though, from the Midlands (England) mid 90s to the south-east coast, then up to the north in the early 00's. Eventually I moved to New Zealand - where I have been for 14 years.

I made a promise to myself, based on ideas, ideologies people were telling me I should do. They were telling me that these people were 'my family', they should be my 'everything', they were my 'blood' and I should not walk from them. Worst advice ever.

So instead I made the promise to myself, and that promise was to treat my parents in a way they didn't treat me, I would treat them with respect, fairness, courtesy, I would treat them right and do what was right by them, but not at my expense. At 16 years old, I stopped sharing anything about my life, dreams, and ambitions with my family. Never discussed anything with them at all, ever. And decided to keep them at arms length.

To try and make a long story (50 years) shorter (I'm not convinced I can once I get going!) - I managed to go over 20 years with little/no contact with my brothers. I only saw them if they happened by my parents, when I visited or if they happened to skype my parents while I was there. I was never rude of offensive. Just vague, factual and polite. I kept my parents at a distance, I would visit when I was in Europe, for only a few days and would spend those few days with them at their home. I would take them out to eat, spend the few days with them or visiting somewhere for the day with them. But still I discussed nothing about me personally or my life.

In 2020 my father needed his left toe amputated, I knew things would go down here from here. They were in Southern Portugal on their own, in their mid 80s and late 70s. My oldest brother set up a Whatsapp group for the three of us, I live in NZ, one brother in UK and the other in Australia. When exchanging messages about Dad and Mum and their situation and the COVID situation. I mentioned that this will be a downhill slop for our parents and it would get quicker if we didn't plan ahead and foresee things that would happen, we needed to stay one step ahead of the game and make sure we stayed on top of things. I mentioned that something we needed to do was make sure our parents had EPAs in place (Powers of Attorney for both finances and their personal, care and welfare) and their Wills up to date, we also needed to discuss them moving into a smaller place and near to a support network - so either a smaller place in southern Portugal, like in Lagos or back to the UK. 

My eldest brother has the world's largest sense of superiority in the world - he was my father's favourite and was given everything on a diamond studded, golden carpet. They lent him money (which I don't believe he paid back) to 'prove' he had savings in his bank account to enable him to move to Australia. In the UK they had previously paid for his university costs (inc a year in the US), the deposit on his first property and multiple cars. He has been raised (and believes rightly) that I have no value, no worth at all. Nothing I do or say has any value. My existence is not worth acknowledging in any form shape or manner. I simply don't exist, my existence is an insult to life and the world itself. So he ignores me completely, my whole life he has been like this. In his 30s once he started earning the amount of money that equaled what my father retired on, he stated to show nothing but contempt to our parents - 'contempt' is my father's wording not mine. But he, his wife and two boys always travelled to Portugal for the free two week holiday when they wanted free accommodation, according to my dad - they did their own thing over the time period and my parents 'barely saw them', they rarely spent a day with my parents, and never took them out for the day or a meal.

My other brother - my mother's favourite. Is a toxic narcissist, liar and manipulator (pea in a pod with my mother). He, along with my mother have given me the most mental, emotional, verbal and psychological abuse. And here he kicked off - saying I didn't know what I was talking about, I was talking shite, he used the f word and the c word and so the mental, emotional, verbal and psychological abuse picked up again and continued on a daily basis through Whatsapp, with my oldest brother (as always) turning a blind eye to it. This abuse continued until 2023. When I ignored the messages (all the time), they got longer, nastier, sharper, more abusive etc. At one point, friends suggested that I didn't look at the messages, because of how they were getting me down, and it was beginning to affect me mentally and emotionally. They offered to help by reading the messages and if there was something I needed to respond to, they would read out the question and type any answer I needed to respond to. Most the time there wasn't a question and no response was needed. but after only a week, my friends decided they couldn't do this anymore. They felt the messages, although not aimed at them, affected their day and brought them down mentally and they couldn't continue to uphold their offer to help me. They asked how I had coped and dealt with these all those years.....this brother owns three properties, he has never paid tax, he grows and sells marijuana and right up to his late 40s always took envelopes of cash from my mother, even though he didn't need it. My parents paid for over 8 cars for him in his late teens/20s, put him through university and paid the deposit on his first property.

Anyhow - my parents Wills were in place, although they were 20 years old. No EPAs were in place. My dad refused to do anything needed to get him back on his feet, so my September 2020 he was bedridden. I wanted to get home help/nurses in to help them - both my brothers said no. One said no because it 'wasn't needed' and the other said no because he didn't want to spend the money. After a couple of months they realised someone was needed to come in, but they wouldn't pay extra for someone that was a nurse too....although in the end his home help was doing 'nursing' jobs, including have to clean my father's foreskin because he couldn't go to the toilet by himself. At one point my father ended up back in ICU due to lack of drugs after his operation, my brother (mother's favourite) was angry at the hospital and I said to him for a week - he was there at my parents home that whole time dad was getting worse and worse - that mum was given drugs because she rattled them down the phone to me, I told him they were pills and in a plastic bag - he abused me, called me thick and stupid, used the f and c words at me and ignored me. After a week of leaving our dad in an appalling condition, he returned him to hospital by ambulance and had a go at the hospital, who then pointed out to my brother, that our mother was given drugs - which he found by the front door - he and his girlfriend would have walked past this bag multiple times a day over that week period. The pills were exactly as I said they were and even in the blue and red bag I knew my mum used for my dad. He never apologised for the abuse or acknowledged that I was right.

I noticed my mother was struggling and that I felt she had alzheimers - I was ignored by the older one, other than the one comment that dad was the 'issue' and not mum. The other brother again insulted and abused me using the f and c words in the Whatsapp chat. I pointed out that we knew what dad's issue was and that mum was going to be the one that blind-sided us if we weren't careful. Eventually by August/September, Mum had passed out over the steering wheel of the car, passed out in the shower - bruising half her face and knocking out all her front teeth, passed out on the kitchen floor - hitting her head on a hard ground and then evetually she passed out eating lunch on the sofa with the one brother (her favourite).

I take no pride in this. But I was right about everything, every little thing. and my brothers never acknowledged, apologised or anything that went on and what I had said.

By March 2021, the one brother (abuser) did realise and think about what I was saying and eventually moving my parents, between COVID lockdown to the UK and into a care home. By March 2022 my father passed away, he gave up, didn't want to know, he was depressed (first time in his life). The care home pointed out to my brothers that our mother had severe alzheimers and by February 2023 she had passed away, having gone downhill very quickly after dad's passed.

Three hours before my dad passed away I was on a Whatsapp video call to him - he was saying how I had always treated them with respect, I had always been fair and honest with them. I agreed I had. My dad passed and only my mother and carers with him.

At one point during 2020, I had received a particularly abusive and nasty message from my brother telling me that I should quit my life in New Zealand and return to look after MY parents (not ours, but mine).....no such message was aimed at my brother in Australia and it clearly didn't occur to the one sending it in the UK, that he should look after our parents and 'quit his life'.

Because I had walked out of my job on 2 months stress leave in October 2022, I was able to go to the UK for 4 months to spend time with my mother while she died. Neither of my brothers wanted to be anywhere near her as she was dying. She passed away two days before I was due to return to NZ, so I stayed a further 2 weeks to plan and attend her funeral.

In October 2023 I had to return to the UK for the last time, to see my brothers and put my parents ashes to the four winds.

Since 1999 I have repeated begged my parents not to have my eldest brother as Executor on their Wills as he wouldn't be honest or fair. They never listened. And I was right.

After my father died, he declared that there was 'nothing' in my father's estate. My father was the main money earner, and had multiple personal bank accounts and well as a couple of join ones with my mother. He also had shares in his sole name and multiple pensions. He also listed some gifting. My brother decided that those listed for gifting didn't 'deserve the gifts' so he didn't pay them out. I don't know what else happened to my father's assets but they should have fallen to my mother as his survivor.

With my mother's estate - my brother has refused to tell me what assets are there. He never told me that there was a clause in their giving all jewelry to me, and when I mentioned that that was a normal clause of that generation he never acknowledged what I was saying. it took two year before he sent me a copy of the Will, and still he denied me the jewelry, declaring any jewelry/watches were from previous generations and 'not my mother's to give away'. I received only my share on the pension because it had to come from the pension company itself. I received a small amount from my brother but figures don't add up. I got probate from the UK Government, so I know what he claimed was in the estate to the Courts, but played it down because he wanted to avoid inheritance tax. Any personal items of my mother's I would have wanted, I couldn't ask for as I would have been ignored, denied them.

In Commonwealth countries there is no regulatory board or organisation that overseas laymen/private Executors - so unless you have the money and you can lawyer up, there is nothing you can do. So they get away with stealing and fraudulent activity. But brothers have got away with cheating me and abusing their power again.

My advice to you - if you KNOW you are being cheated and you can afford it, lawyer up because a private Executor is personally liable if they don't follow the law.

If you have or are in a toxic family, get out. Burn the bridges. If I had my time again, I would have followed my gut and ended all contact. Don't listen to others. I'm not talking about 'fallings out' here or family 'arguments' or family 'differences', I'm talking abuse (all forms) and neglect.

Since, November 2023 when I had my emotional and mental breakdown, I'm now seeing a therapist. In fact, I'm on my fourth. But that is for another blog. Right now I believe this breakdown has come from the relief that I'm now free from my family, I was right about everything to do with my brothers and their treatment of me - no honestly, no integrity, no respect for our parents. Now I look to rebuild my life.

#ToxicFamily, #FamilyAbuse, #PhysicalAbuse, #SexualAbuse, #MentalAbuse, #EmotionalAbuse, #PsychologicalAbuse, #Wills, #EPAs, #Death, #Estates, #Executors, #Mental health #Freedom

2015 - 2021 - Where did these years ago?! How the world has changed. Part 1

 WOW! Yet again I fail on the most simplistic of things, in this case updating a blog.  My written journal is the same, no actually that isn't true - my written journal kind of goes up to 2020 give or take a few weeks or months.😒

So unlike my written journal where I make no attempt to catch up, I will at least try and summarise what has been going on - this is all from memory so excuse if I forget anything quite major, if I suddenly remember anything at a later date I can always discuss it in a separate blog entry.  How is that for forward planning, see you back here in 2025 then! 😂  I'm going to break this up into parts to catch up and gives me a break in between.

2015

Around June/July I returned to Europe to England for the first time since 2011, travelling with my hubby we visited Lagos in Portugal (southern Portugal in the Algarve) as my folks live there and then England to visit some old friends, visiting Birmingham, York and Shropshire.  However, the main reason for the journal was to collect all my items in storage (has been in storage since 2006) and have it shipped out to Auckland, New Zealand, it took all of 3 months door to door (Birmingham, England to Auckland, New Auckland).  In storage I held the usual household furniture - beds, bookcases, table and chairs, clothes, personal items and then, well boxes and boxes of books.  When I say boxes and boxes I mean of the 92 boxes shipped over 80 of them were books.  Yeah, this bookworm has a slight addiction.

As I bookworm, a lifelong one, I generally read about 95% non fiction but do enjoy fiction too.  I struggle to left books go unless they are really bad and there have only been a few and then I have binned them so there is one less copy in the world.  But the books I read love and hate are another blog entry completely.  Needless to say in the time I had been in NZ I had acquired some more books, so new bookshelves were definitely in order.

By August 2015, I had also paid a huge purchase, one that I always said I would make once I was settled somewhere and found a home.  I had also pre-warned hubby that this was a must once we were married.  Yes....you can sense it coming - a dog!  Hubby has never had a pet before let alone a dog, but he had a little experience from friends dogs.  I on the other hand grew up with pets, the usual guinea pigs (Doormat is the only one I remember), rabbits (Bambi and Thumper, parents of Candy & Floss), goldfish ($1 at fairground attentions to win a goldfish - always popular with the kids in the 70s/80s - never named), gerbils (another Candy & Floss and don't remember the other pair.  Candy & Floss one managed to eat the others head and then scratched itself to death before the ear, blood all up the tank!) but I had dogs too. Here is a brief history of my dogs....

Anika, yellow Labrador. 1985 to 1993, overweight, lazy, loved king sized prawns, Walkers crisps & tomatoes and would lick you to death.  Sadly, I don't have a photo of her on computer - she was pre digital cameras and internet. Died of a brain aneurysm. Born & died in England

Zoe

Zoe, Dalmatian. 1994 - 2005, overweight, over protective, highly strung, hated children and men with a deep voices.  Killed by three Dobermans (mother & sons) in Portugal.  Born in England, died in Portugal.  

Hok'ee (back) & Henry (front)

                      Pepper

Henry & Hok'ee (brothers - Hok'ee means abandoned in Navajo).  Born and died in Portugal, abandoned by their owner and found in a plastic bag next to a rubbish bin, 3 of them but the oldest died. Mongrels. Henry 2005 - 2018 and Hok'ee 2005 - 2021.  Henry died of stomach cancer and Hok'ee had to be put down due to ill health. 

And then August 2015, Pepper, black Labrador born in New

Zealand arrived on the scene.  Now admittedly she is the first dog I've owned on my own, the others have all been family dogs, even thoughI was one of only two people who cared for them in the family.   Is that not a face you could love?!

 

So that is about it for 2015, the doing up of the bach in the Coromandel was mentioned in the original 2014/2015 blog so I don't need to start up that again, although I will give an update in a future blog.

Je suis Charlie....

No country or its people should be forced to live under fear and terror.  Neither should any person, people, culture or country be forbidden from freedom of speech.

If you move to another country to work or live should be abide by that society's/country's law - regardless.  You are a guest and you have chosen to move to that country.....live by their laws.

Islamics (extremists) are fast giving all Islamics a bad name - they are bringing their unwanted ways, terror and violence to our peaceful way of life......as this continues, I can see the public in these countries started to request that Islamics are not allowed into their countries to live or work.....it will be sad times but unfortunately needed......again and again Islamics are being allowed into western Europe and England and are bringing with them these horrible ideals, many extremists are now homegrown in both France and England - we must put a stop to this and stand together.

BBC News - Paris Massacre update

JE SUIS CHARLIE

Redbubble

Back in 2008 I joined the website Redbubble and opened a account to share and sell my photographs that I have taken from around the world.  Just like with my blog, I've forgotten to update it over the past 3 years, but am hoping to get back into my photography and updating not only the blog but also Redbubble, so I can get some fresh photos up.

Here is a link to my page on Redbubble, I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to leave any comments.

Thank you and happy new year!!

Reviving the blog!!

I really didn't realize it has been two years since I put anything on this blog.  this would in part be because at times I had nothing to put up and other times I thought it would be too soppy and didn't do it....but times have a changed, and I really need to get back into my blogging and writing really.  I just to love writing and used to it all the time, but stop for one reason or another and now I don't have the mojo and smoothness in my written word as I used to, so I need to practice this and find it again.

Hopefully, it will be something I can get back into and learn to style my written word again.  so a brief run down on the last two years.

I was made permanent in my job.
I got my PR to remain in New Zealand
I unfortunately haven't been to Tutukaka and the research Trust since January 2013 partly because Ingrid hasn't been there and partly because they have changed the way they are working with volunteers, so I need to speak with them and get back into this.
I met a man, fell in love, moved in with him and next month we are getting married.  He is awesome and very much the man of my dreams. - Possibly I will do a page about this on the blog...!
I bought a car
I've started a veg patch and started tendering a garden
I'm refurbishing/redecorating a bach (belonging to Steve, my amazing fella)in the Coromandel - certainly worth a blog to itself
In 2013 I was helping him do his rental place too on the North Shore.
I have volunteered with Habitat for Humanity in South Auckland and in Fiji with helping them to build houses for family in need - certainly worth a page on this blog at a later date.

Ooohhh, I almost forget.  I always said if I met a man who can cook I would marry him and by gum I'm bring truth to my word!  so I have been doing a little action in the kitchen, see my other blog!

I'm actually thinking I should spilt the other blog and have the kitchen and veg garden on one blog and the garden itself in another blog...but that is a lot of work and a lot of blogs to be kept up to date.....but if needs must, and it is what I need to do to try and getting my writing skills back, then it is what I shall do.

Orca Research Center

I just spent an amazing weekend at the Orca Research Center (Orca Reseach Trust), based in Tutukaka, Northland on the North Island.  The center doubles as the home and work place for Dr Ingrid Visser, New Zealand's world renowned Orca expert.
Ingrid was born in New Zealand to Dutch parents and has been studying Orca (Killer Whales) since 1992, she finished her PhD in 2000 and four years ago built the Research Center on the top of a hill in Tutukaka, an hour north of Whangarei.

View from Center

The view from the Center is just perfect

and Orca come right into the Bay at various times of the year.  There are around 200 resident Orca around the New Zealand coast - covering both the North and South Islands and thanks to Ingrid Visser we know that these Orca are the only ones in the world that feed on Stingray.  The Center is run by Ingrid and a small number of volunteers and this is where I hope to become a member of the team.

Volunteering at the center covers all the usual jobs that volunteers undertake with pretty much any organisation, but I like these jobs - you always need to clean and tidy and have things ready and prepared for anything.  I spent most of the weekend cleaning wetsuits inside and out, letting them dry out and then hanging them up so they are ready for volunteers to wear when needed at whale strandings.

The Center has been set up so the back

Dr Ingrid Visser & an Orca

looks out over the Bays and for miles you are looking out over the open sea, it's perfectly situated so that you can see a pod of Orca as soon as they come round a corner and in to view.  Ingrid has a siren for this purpose and every volunteer has a dry pack ready for that siren.  If it sounds you grab your dry bag and jump into the 4x4 to head out with Ingrid and the boat.  She will then spend as long as she can out on the water with the Orca - studying and photographing them.  Considering the Center is run solely by Ingrid with help from such a small number of people, it really is an amazing achievement and I'm glad to be a new comer to it all.  I've loved Orca since I was around 5 years old and have never seen one in the wild but hope to while I'm in New Zealand.

The blue Orca 4x4 and the boat, there is also another Orca Research Trust 4x4.  Like any organisation of this kind the Research Trust is always after volunteers and financial support.  However, due to Ingrid's heavy travelling schedule, it can be very hard for her to find time to allow new volunteers in as she just doesn't have the time and opportunity to show them around and show them what needs to be done.  At present Ingrid is flying constantly between New Zealand and Spain in the fight to free a Orca named Morgan.

Morgan is young Orca (now 6 yrs old) who was found off the coast of Holland in 2010, it was decided that she would be taken in by us humans with the idea that once recovered she woud b released back into the wild.  But after a court battle in Holland Morgan has now been passed to Spain and placed in a marine park to perform for the public - against everything that was promised when she was found.  She is a wild born Orca and should remain so, humans have abused the power they have and have now turned her into a captive Orca all in the name of money.  There is no reason why Morgan can not be released back into the wild and this is where Dr Visser and others are fighting for what is right for Morgan and not humans.  In her present situation, Morgan is being constantly attacked and biten by the other Orca she now resides with, the trainers ignore her and she spends most her time when she is not on show biting and headbutting the concrete around her pool. 
Since around the 1970s it has been illegal to capture Orca for captive, this means it is very hard for places like Sea World et al to get new DNA to help with breeding the captives Orca they do have, as most of them are already related.  Morgan is an excellent way to gain fresh DNA into the captive Orca breeding pool.  Many people's fear is that now Morgan is 6 years old the Spanish parks next move will be to get Morgan pregnant and then claim her unfit for being placed back into the wild therefore cermenting her lifetime sentence in captivity.  The court case in Spain is the last attempt to get Morgan freed and to show the courts that Morgan's family has been recognised and the expertises know exactly where to release her to enable her to re-join her family after all these years.

http://www.orcaresearch.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killer_whale
http://www.freemorgan.com/



 



Hauraki Gulf......NZ Common Dolphins

So other than art and photography, I love animals (and books and travelling) and something that is so amazing about New Zealand, other than the geographical aspect of it - and the fact it is the world's only natural playground with so many things to do in one place - it has some wonderful animals of all kind.

I thought I would share some pictures of (New Zealand) Common Dolphins taken in the Hauraki Gulf, Auckland , they are just beautiful, so playful and just elegant.  I've watched them feeding and playing around the boat.  I could watch them for hours.....just perfect......

 

About 3 weeks ago just off Takapuna and Browns Bay (North Shore, Auckland) a rare Southern Right Whale came into the Bay and gave birth. Here are a couple of pictures.  She was still spotted around the Hauraki Gulf a week later with the calf.

 

 

Also, on the 24th August along the Northland coast, Tutukaka Harbour, a pod of Orca were spotted having breakfast.

The Orca around New Zealand are the only ones in the world that eat Stingrays.  They are often seen around the Coromandel as well and especially in Stingray Bay - if you go there early in the mornings (6.30am) in a kayak you can see loads of stingray sunning themselves in the shallows and if you are lucky enough to be there at the right time, you can watch the Orca come in and take the stingray.  I'm hoping to be heading out that way again now the Spring is here, so I'll have my camera ready and my fingers crossed.  Just beautiful.

In October I'm all set to do a Marine Mammal Medic course, which once passed will enable me to put myself on to the National Database and be called up for any strandings that are discovered around the two islands.  PRICELESS.

WTF!!

I don't believe it, not only do I forget my password repeatedly but I've also managed to delete around 3 posts, goodness knows what I'm up to!!  I don't know.  I swear as well that everytime I log in they have changed the ways things work and I can't find anything, either that or everytime I log in I forgot what I'm doing.

I did have a little spurt with posts back in May when I was on holiday, maybe I can keep that up again come September as I'm on holiday again.....yeah!!

I have to admit that since being out here in New Zealand - this is the longest period of time ever when I have not done any sport or horse riding - shocking I now and I'm beginning to miss it big time.  Funnily enough I'm not missing the pond hoping to the US and Europe as much as I thought I would so that is cool - and well I think I realise that anytime I fancy making a trip like that it won't be a problem.

I need to purchase a wetsuit soon for my surfing, snorkelling and for the Marine Mammal Medic course I'm due to do in October - I'm looking for that.  Once I've passed the course I'll be put on to the New Zealand national database and will be called up for any whale strandings.

Art/photography - I've been really slow here, I've seen some absoluately fabulous window displays - proper art ones and not your crap fashion type....I took some photos, some I accidently deleted and others I hope to get up here at some point.  I've really been quite busy at work so I haven't had much time for doing anything or catching up with things.

Travelling links - I really should put some links up for places that I would highly recommend from Native American Reservations in the US, North Idaho and Montana to the farm/stables in Portugal.  Man I miss the horses, I don't think there is any smell I love more than horses!

Crafts, knitting and art....

I have to admit there are two things I miss while I'm in New Zealand - my knitting needles/yarn and my sew on patch blanket - both are in storage and I can't get to them anytime soon!  And what is in storage are not things that I can buy out here and start again.  I don't fancy re-buying knitting needles I already own and neither do I want to buy loads more yarn when the yarn I have in the UK is breeding like nobody's business! 

But most of all I miss my sew on patch blanket, this is a blanket I "acquired" from a popular well known airline and started to iron/sew on patches from places I have been all over the world, the blanket in storage is almost full and has patches from all the countries, cities and towns I've visited to all the musuems, zoos, galleries, Native American Tribes, Botanical gardens etc I been to around the world.  I love it and while I've been out here I've collected more patches so I'd love to add them but can't and I don't find starting a fresh blanket until the original blanket is complete. 

But it did get me thinking about some things that I made for some people last year, they were little notice boards which I just thought were a little quirky.  Very simple to make and you can do them in any style you fancy, with any patterns you like or even draw or paint a pattern or picture.  Sadly I can't draw or paint so I tend to find things and styles to do.  But I have some pictures of the boards I made.

This one was I think the third of fourth I may so it was getting easier to decide what to do and how to do it.  I found a wonderful craft store in York, England were I got the bits and pieces from, I hightly recommend the place.



I actually didn't realise there were so many different gingham colours, my friend got me int them because she loves the country farmhouse red/white gingham look.  I can understand why, they are beautiful.

With my knitting I'm on a mission to make a blanket.  The idea is to knit lots of squares in different yarns not just textures but different colours, then when I have a large collection of squares I'll stitch them together into a blanket.  It'll be a crude looking blanket I'm sure but It'll be made by me and will be quite an individual item.  Here are some squares that I have done already.

There are so many different colours and textures, I think it'll be interesting so see the finished product.  Maybe one day I can pop a photo of the blanket on here.

Along with the blanket I hope to one day pop up a photo of my iron/sew on patch too.

I would love to get into more arts and crafts here in New Zealand, get inspired by the Maori arts.  I would like to return to pottery which I haven't done for years.  To would make for a good challenge and certainly an enjoyable one.



Update on life in New Zealand

Having looked back at what I have previouly written, I thought I had better update some things.  Once I arrived in New Zealand I was originally staying in a hostel, but took to trying to find somewhere straight away for me to live by myself.  I found staying in the hostel quite hard, as I can be very shy and I really don't like crowds at all, I'm just not so good with large numbers of people.  I also tend to do my own thing and go my own way, I tend not to follow a crowd or any person and though, like anyone I'm happy in company, I am also happy enjoying my own company - just writing, reading, art/crafts etc - so the hostel was a bit much for me.  House sharing it appears would have put me in pretty much a similiar situation, parties and such stuff, I just don't cope with well.  I'm the last to arrive and the first to leave.

So after 2 weeks in a hostel on Queen Street, in Auckland's CBD, I found an apartment to rent by myself.  I'm still there now and this is going great.  It is still in the CBD and I'm so central to everything, it couldn't be better.  Next I had to find work, I had already decided not to travel around as I want to stay in New Zealand long term, so showing the Kiwi Government that I'm up for earning and paying taxes would look better to them than the travellers/tourists move of fruit picking - again I would have been sleeping in a bunkbarn and I wouldn't have coped to well.  So about two weeks after I got myself my apartment I started going round the temp agencies for work, signing up with as many of them as possible.  In the meantime, I took to voluntary work down at The Auckland City Mission in helping them prepare for Christmas and everything that they would be undertaking in order to help those that collect benefits and don't have much.  By mid December I had myself a job with a Government agency and thankfully I'm still working for them now.  So all is going very well :) I still continued at the Auckland Mission and spent Christmas Day helping out as promised.

During Bank Holidays/long weekends and weekends I try to take off around the North Island for my road trips and exploring the island in the usual way a wandering spirit does.  I've already eyed up places to learn to surf, Muay Thai Kickboxing (not to fight), deep sea fishing and I'm on the lookout for the best places to spot Orca, oh and I do need to find places to return to horse riding and hockey (field).  There is nothing like a fantastic road trip driving around and exploring the open road and the back tracks that make up New Zealand's North Island.  No drive is the same, no view is the same and all of it is absoluately stunning.  My camera is working overtime.

To compliment the wonderful people, views, drives etc there are also so many small musuems and art galleries dotted around that where ever you go, you will find one and they have some stunning stuff in them, mostly from local artists and people you wouldn't have heard of outside of New Zealand.  I'm not an artist myself (neither pencil nor paint are my friends!) but I do go in for other arty/crafty things and I love photography and I certainly love looking and admiring other people's works.

Which brings me to following blog's, which I've never done before - It appears you can't search by subject, or indeed search at all - so I simply use the "next blog" button and add the ones that I like, ones that are new (like me) and any others that take my fancy - may they be art, traveling, animals, books or anything....maybe I can encourage others and others can encourage me and maybe I can make a few friends along the way :)

Happy blogging to all!

Really should get to grips with this blogging stuff!

Wow, I've totally forgotten to add anything to my blog since I last year.  I really should gather myself together and get some stuff in here with photos.  But boy am I having a fabulous time, New Zealand is beautiful and I'm already liking the North Island more than the South, as beautiful as the South Island is (and they are quite different).  I'm presently living on the North Island in Auckland CBD, a city of 1.4 million but it is so spread out it doesn't feel like a city at all, unike say somewhere like Birmingham or London, of which both are very built up places (especially Birmingham), with everyone living on top of each other.

I've been surfing and searching for other people's blogs covering my different interests and it made me realise I should keep this blog going.  But I do forget!  I tend to keep a written diary at times and certainly a photographic one - so I really should try with this one.

Starting from today.....I shall try and update every week or there about.....see if I can manage that and keep up with my road trips. 

IEP One Year Working Visa from BUNAC

I've got it! My IEP one year work visa from BUNAC. So now I must plan my one year working trip to New Zealand, I have in the past visited the South Island but I have never been to the North Island before. I've already decided that due to the earthquakes in the South Island is t wouldn't be the best thing to head down that way. From what I have read and heard from various sources some people who own multiple properties in and around Christchurch that haven't been damaged by the earthquakes are renting their places out to people whose homes have been damaged or destroyed. But sadly, they appear to be renting them out at very high prices, same with B&Bs, Guest Houses, Hostels and anyone else who feel they can make more money because accommodation is becoming hard to come by. Add this to the number of tourists who are still travelling to Christchurch and some people must be making a far bit of money.

In September the Rugby World Cup arrives in New Zealand (9th Sep - 23rd Oct 2011), this will mean big business for the country and for all kinds of businesses, accommodation, restaurants, cafes, shops there is going to be money to be made and so many will benefit from the huge event. It does mean that as teh games are played around the country, accommodation will be become even more limited (especially in the South Island around Christchurch) and prices will go sky high. The money is clearly going to be sorely needed for Christchurch as the council will need to earn back the money spent on repairing and re-building the city and its building before the big event.

I've pretty much decided then to go out after the event and hope that not only the hype will have died down but also the prices for accommodation, both short and long term. I've also finally decided that I will head towards the Auckland area and maybe higher into KeriKeri and/or Northland. But since it will be my first time visiting the North Island I just don't know where to start and where to stay. I have repeated many a time to people that I feel finding a job will be the easy part, while deciding where to stay and live for the year (or do I move around) will be the hard part. One year = 12 months = really isn't so longer time as people will have you believe.

I'm certainly looking forward to some work outdoors such as fruit picking or farming, I've done a little of this in the past and have always enjoyed it. I shall be going out during New Zealand's summer months so it will be the perfect season to start picking up work. Quite a few hostels will actually help you find work on a farm and/or fruit picking and set you up a deal to stay with them for the duration of your work period. Some places will just have you camp or lodge in their fields, this doesn't appeal to me so much. But if needs must I vow to try it for a while. However, as part of the fee I have part to BUNAC, and in association with the IEP office in Auckland, they also offer help in finding you work and accommodation. They will also help with the basics of opening a bank account, getting your social security number and anything else that needs to be in order fr you to start working.

My first couple of nights are 100% going to be in Auckland at a backpackers, I certainly perfer single sex dorms, but I'd rather not be in dorms at all. I do love my sleep so usually try and grab a single room and pay the extra if I can. The hostel itself does happily and proudly declare itself a party hostel for those travelling around, this doesn't sell it to me, but again, if needs must I will find that party spirit and join in, even if only for a few nights before I find somewhere else to pop my head down quietly for some good nights sleep.

I am actually really happy that I got this visa and I'm so looking forward to the year it is beyond words, but I am also hugely and greatly nervous about what the year will hold for me. I've so many things going through my head and I'm saving so many links and websites into my favourites that I'm not entirely sure any of it is going in, I'm just hoarding website addresses. However, somewhere in the back of my mind is a little voice that says buy a bike and spend some months cycling New Zealand. Now this appeals to me greatly, but it wouldn't earn me any money to support myself. Oh what to do when such a wonderful opportunity is given to you.....

Getting old before you know it....

It appears to be a bit of a repetitive theme at present for me to discover that I am 'too old' for something, not often but sometimes I am ' too young' for something to, but it isn't often that I am discovering I am the 'right' age for something.

When I finished University aged 27 I discovered that the railcard I had was for 'Under 25s' and those in full time education, as my degree had just finished I was no longer able to apply for another 'Young Person's Railcard'. I asked what the next discount railcard was only to be informed it was the 'Old Age Pensioner' one. With nothing in-between for us aged 25 - 65, would you call us 'middle aged' I asked, 'no' was the answer she gave. So life continued as it does today with me paying the full adult rate for all train transport around the UK.

On a London Tube recently I discovered that up to the age of 35 (not over) I am eligible for IVF treatment - this is fantastic news if I wanted a baby and considering the fact that few Countries will allow me any kidn of working/holiday visa due to my age. Dispite the fact I've worked since I was 15 years old, I hold a 2:1 degree and have no criminal record once you past that age of 25 (or for some) 30 you are refused any visa of any kind and doomed to sit in your own Country for the rest of your life, unless of corse, you are one of the lucky ones with a professional/career and some amazing skills to go with it. I didn't discover Overseas Work Visas until I was already over the age of 25, it just wasn't something that was put my way or offered to me, or as silly as it sounds, we didn't have the internet to go and search something up and take up an overseas offer. If you weren't told about it, you simply never got to hear of it.

Three years ago then I was looking at BUNAC and discovered that they offered a special IEP Working Visa for New Zealand (ONLY) for those up to the age of 35 years. Thrilled as I was I looked into this, but never took it up as I felt leaving a flat behind in the UK that I couldn't sell (because of the economy) but needed to pay for wouldn't help my cause. Imagine my surprise when I discovered a month ago that I am STILL eligible for this visa - oh yes, you can apply and be accepted for the visa at 35yrs old and you can go at 36, you just can't TURN 36 yrs before being accepted for the visa. Needless to say, I have around applied and paid for the visa and am awaiting the very beautiful, wonderful IEP working Visa. I hope to start working in New Zealand in October 2011. I am as you might say 'over the moon' and looking forward to it all.

Now call me traditional and old fashioned but I do prefer good old maps or even Google prints out to such such modern things as Sat Navs and GPS. Maybe it is the love of most things paper that I have, perhaps it is the smoothing out of the folded sheets and its crackle that I love. Or maybe it is the dislike of someone telling me what to do - repeatedly if I don't listen the first time. I like to study maps, I like to see where I've been, where I am and where I am going. I like to look at the places I am passing by, I like to see the place names, the streams, the lakes and the rivers that I pass. I like to see the roads bypass each other and inter-twine as they go from one place to another through each other, over each other and into each other. I like to trail my finger along the paper, following the route of one particular road that I am travelling on, following its beginning in one place through to its end in another part of the country. I enjoy that. I like to see the highways/motorways, the B roads and lanes as they trail off to various locations whether it be a City, a Town or a Village. I like to look at the road colours, the symbols used for railroads, churchs, museums and other places of interest. I simply find maps interesting, fascinating and can study them for hours, I like to have that structure and map in my head of where I'm travelling from and to. I like to be able to see the roads in my head and know when to turn off or where I'm turning into, I want to be able to see my journey ahead of me, miles ahead of me before I undertake it - to know and see what is surrounding me at all times and then I can see all my options laid out before me of which way to travel and what to see.

With GPS and Sat Navs you simply don't get this. You put up the gadget, you tell it where you want to go, which can take time in its own right as you have to trawl through all the options of what the Sat Nav has to offer you only to find the options they have are none of the ones you want. The Sat Nav either doesn't understand the address you gave it, doesn't recognise the zipcode or postcode that you put in or it simply trys to tell you that the address/zipcode/postcode doesn't exist when you know it does. In America it appears that the GPS system will offer you ever Main Street in every State in the US with the exception of the one you want. Or it simply doesn't recognise the airport or it trys to take you on the highway for 30 minutes in order for you to turn back on yourself on smaller roads for 10 minutes in order for yu to get somewhere that is 20 minutes away from where you start in walking distance. Now to a British person you might just walk this, but as an American you won't. You drive. This is what I learnt from my American friends. So you spend 5 to 10 minutes swearing and fiddling with your GPS before starting your drive, only to swear at and then ignore the GPS because you don't like the way it tells you to go, so you then take your frustration out on fellow drivers and all this slowly leads to what is commonly known as 'Road Rage'.

But enough of that. This is about maps. In particular Toronto maps, I recently went o Toronto for the first time. I was looking forward to it, I know people who have been and have very much enjoyed the City. It is world famous for its Film Festival every September and its CN Tower. So I checked into the HI Toronto and naturally picked up a map. The very kind

Receptionist marked off a few places on the map for me, like where the hostel was located, where there were good eating houses and, of course the CN Tower. As I took to the streets what I wanted though was a Tourist Information Centre as the leaflets in the hostel related to nothing in the local area, they did however, offer me information on hostels located in Finland or (if I am a Canadian National) internships in Belgium and Germany. With these offered leaflets being completely useless to me I began my search following the map. Now Tourist Informations are easy to see on maps because of the clever way they do symbols that everyone understands. On these maps they are marked by a blue question mark and I could that there were a few of them. Sadly, as I arrived at various locations having followed the map for the nearest Information Centre I found nothing. I walked around several times under the Metro bridge and around the Bus Terminal, up and down the road and even asked a few people, including a hot dog vendor but he answered to the negative, shaking his head and confirming what I thought, that there was indeed no Tourist Information around these parts. however, it appears he was wrong too, because there is one and it is in the Metro Station itself underground. Now without opening another can of worms I couldn't help but notice that this was hardly a Tourist Information Centre but more of a 'Tourist Information stand' with a few leaflets dotted around the stand then repeated as you followed it round to where you begun. So not only did it take way to long to find, it was useless .

I don't know if anyone else has ever had this problem but a few days later it took me an hour to get to the Zoo when it should have taken me around 20 minutes. So to Toronto City Council - get someone on those streets and get your maps sorted. But if they don't at least next time I know not to trust their maps and to use my own - from within the memories of my mind.

Two Flights and an offensive pair of shoes....

I arrived in Syracuse (Upstate New York) last night. My friend who works for Virgin Atlantic had kindly put me on the stand by list for a morning flight from Heathrow, London to JFK, New York. She has done this for me before (twice) and never have we had any problems, it has always gone smoothly and I've always made the flight I wanted. But this time it was slightly different. She told me there was one seat left on the flight so there was a chance I would be bumped from the 10.35am flight to the 14.00 one, this wasn't a problem as such, but it would mean I would miss the internal flight (JFK to Syracuse with Jetblue) that I had pre-booked. Now this usually isn't a problem - I usually buy two single internal flights, so if the outgoing internal flight is affected by me not making the international flight it never affects the return flight. But for some reason this time I'd bought a return flight, so if I missed the outbound flight my return flight would become invalid and I would have to re-buy all the internal flights. I spoke to Jetblue who informed me that if I called them as soon as I knew I couldn't get on my UK to the the USA flight, I could have them change my internal flight from the 3.42pm one to the 10.30pm for a flat standard rate fee of $40 as the flight was still for the same day - with this in mind, I organised with one of my brothers that if I didn't make the 10.35am flight I would text him and he could call Jetblue and pay the $40 to change my flight, without any affect on the return one. It was all growing great.

So I arrived to check in with Virgin for my flight knowing there was only one seat left - if it was in First Class there was a good chance it was mine, Premium Economy - possibly mine, Economy...50/50 someone could just as equally walk in and pay for it there and then. But I was told that the flight was overbooked by 10 but that 'at that hour' many people didn't turn up for their flight (what crazyiness when you've paid £500 or more!!). So fingers were crossed. The staff member, Lucy, asked if I had filled out a request to be in the jump seat (explanation later), I told her that I didn't know anything about it, She said I should go to the Virgin Customer Desk and fill out a request but then she asked to see my shoes - I was wearing a pair of my walking boots - and suddenly she decided that I was not smart enough to go on the flight at all and refused to put me on the flight. Because of the number of other staff members she bought into the conversation there was no way I could simply go to another check in desk. I did say to her that I had travelled before this way a couple of times and that no one had bothered before about my shoes/boots but she wasn't interested. She called over a Manager who told me that if I could change my shoes (pictured left) to something smarter they would let me on the flight. After some quick and frantic phone calls to my friend and with her searching on Heathrow's website she told me that Terminal 5 (I was in T4) had an Accessorize shop where they sold smart(er!) shoes. T4 had nothing, my friend made the call to the shop while I dashed on to the Heathrow Express Train (thank goodness it's free!) to the next Terminal. Hopping off at T, I ran into Accessorize and purchased some less offensive shoes so I could return to the Virgin Check In Desk at T4 and be let on to the flight. I had to jump back on to the Express Train back to T4. The Virgin Staff who wouldn't let me on (Lucy) had disappeared but another member of staff who witnessed it all was still there, she asked to look at my shoes, my new ones (picture right) - liked them and signed me on to the standy by list for the flight. I still had to go through to the Departure Gate and it is only after everyone else has boarded they tell you if you are on the flight or not.

At the Departure Gate I grabbed as many freebie magazines and newspaper that I could (Virgin UK side are very good at this freebie reading material stuff, Virgin USA side do no such thing) as I knew that if I was going to be hanging around the airport for another 4 hours - I had already been there since 7am - I was going to need all the freebie reading material I could get my hands on! A lovely, friendly member of staff came over to me and explained that there was only one seat left on the flight. So she had spoken to the Pilot to see if he was happy for me to travel in the jump seat, he had said 'yes', the crew were also happy for me to travel in the jump seat, but she wanted to make sure I was happy. I said also said 'yes'. The jump seat is a seat usually used by the crew themselves for take off etc, it is not comfortable and is a 'lesser' seat than those found in economy. You pull it down, strap yourself in and off you go, but there is little to no comfort and not a chance of any sleep. They will (sometimes) move you from one seat to another for the take offs/landings and for the duration of the flight itself. You do (by all accounts) get great service - DVD player, first class meal etc because everyone realises/knows that you are in the gimp seat.
....Back at the Departure Gate (a lot happens here you know..), Virgin staff will sometimes (if there is space) offer 'special discounts on upgrades' to those passengers who might wish to upgrade themselves, these can be had for the 'discounted' price of £999 per person. Needless to say not many people take them up on the offer, which is great for people like me travelling on stand by. However, this time round there was a Portuguese family of 4 whose surname names on their passports didn't match the name on the boarding passes, something the check in staff should of noticed and changed I discovered, but alas they didn't. So here they were at the Departure Gate being told they couldn't fly. Possibly great news for me, but very sad for them........it was during all this commotion that my friend called - she could see the seating for the flight - and felt that I was in luck and on the flight, at the same time the nice staff member came over and informed me she had put me in Premium Economy "with extra leg room" great - I'm only 5 foot 3" but extra leg room is always welcome! I was on the flight. Sod you Lucy with your shoe regulations - 'Hello Accessorize', I'll be back in one of your shops in 14 days time to return a pair of £15 shoes that'll I'll have worn only twice to board two flights.....but most of all 'Hello New York' and my internal flight.
I have to admit I was very pleasantly surprised by Jetblue. I've only flown by them once before and it was also from JFK to Syracuse, but I never remember the free snack and drink last time, perhaps it was because I was asleep across two seats for the duration of the flight, who knows. But this time I revelled in their freebies and for such a cheap airline I had a good enjoyable flight. So here I am sitting yet again at the HI in Syracuse (pictured below), a place that is quite well located - it would certainly make a good base if you hired a car and traveled around the Finger Lakes and surrounding area - but I only use it as a stop off point, a connection point as you might call it.

HI Syracuse is located around a mile from Downtown Syracuse, it is a nice walk down James Street.  It was Built in 1895 and has been owned by a member of Richard Geer's family over time, it features stained-glass windows and an ornate staircase. The hostel is centrally located to the Finger Lakes, Lake Ontario, and the New ork State Fair. You can explore Syracuse's history at the Onondaga Historical Association, Erie Canal and Salt Museums, or St. Marie Among the Iroquois. The zoo and Carousel Mall is a bus trip away and you can also see a baseball game or the gorgoeus Fall foliage. In winter I believe there is Downhill, cross-country skiing and skating availale nearby.  I stay here on my way to Watertown and the Thousand Islands via Trailways buses.